I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
