My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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