Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize