also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
