I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize