Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
