I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We are all done wearing pants today
He shit in the fireplace
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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