Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
