i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he puts the penis in happiness.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
