In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
