i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
