A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
