My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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