Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
