Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
