Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
