took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
