1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
