I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
