And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
