I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
