Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It's just like the Real World with babies
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize