DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
