Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
