the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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