I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
