i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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