Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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