Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The uberlube is also flammable
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
