My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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