just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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