am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
