dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
