Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
