So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
