There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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