Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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