just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
