Moan for me like Helen Keller
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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