Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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