am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize