I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
