I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
