My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
