in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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