We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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