I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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