does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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