walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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