absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
