Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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