The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
