When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
