If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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