You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
