I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
