Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize