These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
