i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
