thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
