she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
