I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
