The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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