Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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