He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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