I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
