you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
