Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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