Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
