There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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