You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
