Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Operation Purity has been aborted
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
