i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
