***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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